


Aftermath

by Elenhin



Category: The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Aftermath, Anders not coping well, Anders trying to cope, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 16:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1272862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elenhin/pseuds/Elenhin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The requested sequel to I Knew You Would Rescue Me. </p>
<p>Anders is home safe, but things are still far from well. He can not speak properly yet and have severe problems coping with the aftermath of the torture. </p>
<p>He might be home where he is safe, but he do not feel safe yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aramirandme81](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aramirandme81/gifts).



> For Aramirandme81 for encouraging me to do this from the start, as well as for you who asked me for the sequel. I hope you enjoy it.

_** Aftermath ** _

 

_ Chapter 1 _

 

Turning the pancakes Mike sighed as he noticed they were a little darker on the underside than he would have cared for. Lowering the heat a little he figured he would have to be faster but he had only ever been a competent cook, never a really good one.

 

The family had one great cook, and that was Ty. Axl was the one who couldn’t cook if it involved something more complicated than the toaster. He himself was and had always been the one who could manage a decent meal but never the finer points. Though he was fairly good at the barbecue and most often the one who would man it. Anders had always been the odd one. He hated to cook, and yet most of the times were even better than Ty. The catch was that if he failed it wasn’t just too much salt or a bit burnt but severe bodily injury.

 

He would have prefered it if Ty was the one cooking now but it wasn’t likely to happen.

 

They were still dealing with the aftermath of the God hunters kidnapping Anders and it was ugly. How Anders had held it together long enough to actually escape he would never know. He hadn’t told them where to find his brothers and Mike almost wished he had. He did wish he had. If they had gone after him, well, he would have stood a better chance against them than Anders did. He would have stood a chance to beat them and find out about Anders.

 

It wasn’t two weeks of torture that had broken Anders, it was escaping and finding that none of the ones he had counted on to save him had even known he was missing. It had shattered the fragile grip he still had to the point where he saw his brothers as the threat. Dawn and Michele had stepped in and taken charge as Anders would refuse to see them. He would panic if they even got near him. Eventually though when it was clear he was not recovering, was slipping into a state where he was his own tormentor the brothers had decided that enough was enough and they would have to force themselves back into his life.

 

Anders had given in to the fear he still felt and because of this had sought to punish himself for his weakness. He would hurt himself physically as a punishment for being scared and none of them were willing to let it go on.

 

Even so he was still in a fragile state of mind. Fearful and nervous, agitated and prone to panic. Their greatest achievement that he was now trusting them and that he was trying to regain his ability to speak.

 

They had called him a two-tongued snake for the power of his words and had slit his tongue from the tip. Like a snake.

 

The damage had been severe enough that Anders couldn’t talk right away as soon as the stitches was removed but would have to relearn to speak and he had refused to do so at first. Now he was  trying and at least making an effort though he still tried to protect himself with silence.

 

The night had been a hard one, filled with nightmares that had him waking up screaming which was why Mike was cooking.

 

Ty had made the call that Anders was too worked up and too scared to sleep, so he had urged him into the lounge where he put on a movie and sat with him too watch it. The movie helped to take Anders mind of the terrors he had experienced and he had fallen asleep with his head on Ty’s shoulder. An arm around his waist which was why Ty was now stuck in place until his brother woke up. Mike was rather hoping the fragrance of pancakes would do it for as much as he needed sleep he needed food too.

 

He was hoping that the familiar and pleasant fragrance from the pancakes would instill a sense of security and familiarity in Anders. Michele had suggested that, a safe and familiar routine which made Axl ask if they should all start cursing at him.

 

It had been a joke, but it hit too close to the mark for Mike to like it.  
  
Putting the last of the pancakes on a plate he took it over to the couch and put it on the table. “Think you can wake him up?” he asked Ty.

 

“I guess,” Ty reached over to squeeze his shoulder gently. “Hey ‘bro, want some pancakes?”

 

Mike went to fetch plates and glasses and Anders stirred, then bolted upright with a gasp.

 

“Easy ‘bro, just us,” Ty soothed. “Mike has breakfast ready, how about some pancakes?”

 

Anders nodded, breathing a little heavy and not even attempting to speak.

 

“I’ve got chocolate and maple syrup,” Mike called from where he was getting the juice. “I’ll get both so you can have whichever one you want.”

 

Anders nodded as he sat up, he still wore the pajamas he had slept in. Dawn had told them he didn’t like to sleep in just his boxers anymore but wore the checkered pajamas she had once given him. She had even bought him a new one so she would be able to wash it. He was barefoot though and the blanket had slipped off him as he slept so now he tucked his feet in under himself. Ty handed him the blanket again and Anders quickly wrapped it around himself.

 

“Juice okay?” Mike asked and poured a glass at the nod, filling a plate as well. Wanting to spare Anders the effort of trying to talk for just a few minutes Mike raised the maple syrup bottle and Anders shook his head. Since he was making an effort Mike was more than willing to cut him some slack. Forcing him to try and talk first thing in the morning after a hard night would only make him agitated and served no purpose so Mike skipped it.

 

Anders had enough trouble eating since his hand was still stiff and clumsy. It would improve, Michele claimed he would likely recover full dexterity but it would take him a little time. It showed the way he speared the pancakes and syrup dripped onto the blanket as he lifted the fork to his mouth.

 

Anders looked up worried when he noticed, then dropped his eyes with a blush.

 

They were still eating when the front door was opened and Anders jumped, dropping the glass. Mike caught it, but not before all the juice had spilled. Mike gave a half glare at Axl who entered with Zeb in tow. Axl was completely oblivious to the half glare Mike gave him as he dropped a stack of dvd’s on the table, threw himself on the couch next to Anders and Ty and grabbed a pancake from the plate.

 

Having realized it was only his brother and his friend Anders sighed softly and relaxed again though he frowned as he poked the wet spot the juice had left on the blanket.

 

“Axl, if you’re gonna do that, get a plate,” Mike scolded him. “And fetch some more juice.”

 

“Sure,” Axl got up and came back with two plates, two glasses and the juice. Mike refilled Anders glass and his brother gave him a grateful look.

 

“You okay?” Axl asked bluntly and Anders nodded.

 

“What are you doing here this early?” Ty wanted to know.

 

“We thought we’d hang out with you guys,” Axl beamed. “You know, like family. We brought some movies and figure we could stay for dinner.”

 

“And breakfast and lunch,” Ty stated as Anders nudged him lightly in the side and then smiled.

 

“We would’ve eaten before we came here, but we didn’t have any food,” Zeb stated and Axl elbowed him.

 

“In other word, you’re broke and counting on us to keep you fed,” Ty stated. “Fine, but the free meals aren’t free anymore. You two will help with the cooking and cleaning first if you want any food.”

 

“Sure,” Axl shrugged. “Is there anymore?” he and Zeb had made short work of the pancakes.

 

“Fucking unbelievable,” Mike shook his head. “I’m not making more, if you want more, you can just make yourself a sandwich.”

 

“Sure,” Axl got up and headed for the fridge with Zeb after him. They returned with a quite large stack of sandwiches and Ty shook his head.

 

“Did you two leave any food behind?” he challenged.

 

“Sure,” Axl shrugged.

 

“We didn’t touch the asparagus,” Zeb put in.

 

“Here,” Axl dropped one of the sandwiches right into Anders lap and Mike sighed as his younger brother gave a start. Axl had still to realize that sudden movements like that was more than Anders could handle. He was about to take Axl to task over it when he saw Anders shake his head lightly.

 

“N’uh, kay,” Anders rasped. Sometimes it was easier to understand him and sometimes harder, but the ‘no, okay’ was fairly easy.

 

“At least he’s sharing with you, instead of being a total pig,” Ty supplied. Axl’s idea of being protective towards your brother consisted mostly in sharing some of the food.

 

“I’m not a pig, and I always share,” Axl frowned as he looked up from his food.

 

“You were both just as bad,” Mike shook his head. Axl was spoiled, Anders looked out for himself, neither was very good at sharing.

 

“Anyway,” Axl took a huge bite out of his sandwich and then went on without swallowing. “You’re the god of poetry and shit like that right?”

 

“Where are you going with this Axl?” Mike sighed. He was pretty sure Anders didn’t mind him butting in seeing as how he really could not hope to manage an answer like that yet.

 

“Well, Olaf said it was poetry and languages and shit like that,” Axl shrugged. “And that no one could use it against him or take it from him, so how come you can’t talk now. I mean, couldn’t you just start if you wanted to?”

 

“Obviously not,” Mike stated sarcastically. “Fucks sake Axl, that’s considerate of you.”

 

“I was just thinking,” he defended himself.

 

“Next time, don’t talk,” Ty put in. Anders had started trembling against him, barely noticeable, but enough so that Ty could tell just how much it had upset him. Thinking that one brother needed a break from the other he stood. “Come on Anders, if those two freeloaders are staying we need more snacks. You can help me.” He had quickly realized that Anders relied on ‘safe zones’. Places where he could feel he was safe. His office was one, the room at Dawn’s place was one. In those places he relaxed more.

 

Helping you to cook in the kitchen would however also be one, the familiarity of the tasks were a safe zone in itself. Anders wouldn’t really do the actual cooking, but he sat on the counter and helped with a few things. He enjoyed it, it was familiar and thus he felt safe.

 

Now he sat down on a chair as Ty busied himself.

**TBC**

 

_Please comment, the Cricket is hungry...._


	2. chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

Ty took Anders to the office seeing as how he was not staying with Dawn anymore. Though Dawn had made it perfectly clear that the option was still open should he feel he needed it. Ty was hoping he would continue to stay with him and Mike as he was. He was hoping that it would help Anders recover his own life. They had talked about it, he would live with him and Mike until he felt ready to move back into his own flat, at which time Mike and Ty would be staying with him. Taking turns until he felt safe enough alone.

 

Anders had agreed with the plan, it made sense to him. He would have to push himself but no more than he felt he could handle. If it became too much he would still have a safe retreat.

 

“I’ll bring something for lunch,” Ty stated as Anders made his way to his desk and sat down while Dawn prepared the coffee machine. It actually made him smile the way the routine had not entirely changed. “Either of you have any requests?”

 

“I’m sure whatever you make will be lovely,” Dawn smiled.

 

Anders paused though, licking his lip so Ty turned his full attention to him though he did not say anything. He did not want to rush him. Michele had suggested a speech therapist, but Anders had balked at that and refused. It had actually brought out some of the old Anders who managed to make it clear that if he had learnt on his own the first time he ought to be able to do so again. Though he used a lot more gestures now.

 

Raising his hand to his mouth he tipped it up as if he held a glass in his hand. “‘ake?” It might not be clear to anyone else but it was clear enough to Ty who smiled. “Not time enough to make cup cakes Ands,” he mused. “And that’s not exactly  real food.”

 

“It’s good though,” Dawn smiled.

 

“Maybe tomorrow, will that do?” Ty asked and Anders gave a disappointed sigh and a nod.

 

“Cheer up,” Ty grinned. “If Dawn agrees, we can get out of here early and have them done before Axl can show up. That way you won’t have to fight him for the powl.”

 

“If I get the icing bowl, it’s a deal,” Dawn stated.

 

“‘Yea,” Anders agreed.

 

“I’ll see you later then,” Ty smiled as he headed out. He rather enjoyed dropping by JPR for lunch with them. It was worth cooking to be able to do so. Especially since he did not really consider cooking to be a chore.

 

Anders gave Dawn a grateful smile when she brought the coffee to him. Dawn had managed to get a new client and as long as it was on the computer Anders was happy to arrange things, but if there had to be a direct meeting Dawn would have to handle it. When he had finished the outlay though he waved her over so she could go over it, moving over to the couch as he waited. It didn’t take much to tire him and though Michele had told him that was normal and to be expected he did not like it.

 

He wanted to get his old life back, being able to meet clients and to actually leave the office on his own. Stay in his own flat by himself and go and find some woman to have sex with. He still felt the same loathing for his own weakness well up in him. No matter how many times  they told him he was doing well that feeling did not go away. Getting up he headed to the filing cabinet, Dawn would need the file if she was to arrange it. He found it, and paused with his hand resting on top, thumb down over the open space after the drawer and his other hand on the handle.

 

He really hated the fact that he was still so weak Ty had to take him to work because he could not even do that for himself.

 

“Anders?” Dawn called softly. She did not want to startle him, but she had come to know that look on his face. The way he would hurt himself as punishment when he thought himself to be weak was what bothered her the most at the moment. She had to constantly keep an eye on him to make sure he did not. The morning had gone well and she had relaxed but she recognized the signs now. Anders was just a hair's width of slamming the drawer shut on his own finger. He did not even react when she called his name.

 

“Anders,” walking over she put her hand on top of his and he looked up, startled. She put her hand on his, drawing it down from the file cabinet. “Dont’, I don’t care if you’re not feeling too good right now. But you’re not doing that. Do you understand?”

 

Anders paled lightly and drew back from her.

 

“If you feel that bad, if you feel like you need to hurt yourself for some reason, no matter what it is. Then you need to try and explain it to me Anders,” she stated firmly. “But you will not do that, if you need a break, that is fine, and if you want to go home we can. But you will not hurt yourself, is that clear?”

 

He couldn’t answer and pulled back further instead. He had barely realized himself what he was about to do. To have Dawn call him on it so quickly, it was unsettling.

 

He retreated to the couch, not that he really felt any better there. He could feel her eyes on him. He felt as if he was suffocating in the office all of a sudden and with trembling fingers he dug his mobile out of his pocket. His hand shook so that he dropped it to the floor with a loud clatter that made him jump.

 

“Do you want me to call Mike?” Dawn asked as she lifted the receiver of the phone. She recognized the signs by now, Anders was too agitated to stay. What had brought it on she did not know. Sometimes there was a direct trigger. Other times she could not see what it was and Anders could not tell. Now he gave a small nod so Dawn dialed Mike’s number.

 

It didn’t take her long to explain that Anders had reached his limit for the day. “I could have taken him home, but given  that I stopped him, I don’t think he’s the most comfortable with me right now,” she mused.

 

“It’s okay, I can take care of it,” Mike assured her. He could tell right away that Anders was having a bad day. Pale and sweaty, head hanging low.

 

“Come on ‘bro’,” he stated softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s head back, yeah?”

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Anders,” Dawn smiled warmly.

 

Mike wasn’t surprised over how Anders kept fidgeting in the car on the way back. As soon as they got back home he was off to the bedroom. Closing himself in into a dark room and Mike sighed. He was getting really worried about his brother. The fact that he might hurt himself was still a very real concern though, even if he had gone to the bedroom. Anders showed some ingenuity when it came to causing himself harm.

 

Pushing the door open he entered and saw him sitting on the bed, knees drawn up and arms wrapped around his legs.

 

“Anders, do you  really think it helps sitting in here all on your own?” he asked softly. “Come on, why don’t I keep you company, yeah?”

 

Anders shook his head, but Mike sat down beside him. Encouraged by the fact that he did at least not pull away.

 

“Come on Anders, I really don’t think you should be alone, we can put on a movie. And you don’t have to do anything but watch, but at least I won’t have to worry about you.”

 

Anders shook his head, biting his lip and Mike cursed quietly to himself when he realized how hard he was biting down. Oh yes, Anders could always find a way to cause himself pain, and he did not even realize it was what he was doing.

 

“Stop that Bro,” he urged. He put his hand on his jaw, pushing gently into his cheeks. “Come on, that’s enough now.”

 

Anders opened his mouth and Mike just had  time to see the slight hint of red before he dropped his head and buried his face in his hands.

 

“It’s okay Ands, just a bit of a snag,” he stated, slipping an arm around his back and pulling him close to lean against him.  “There’s gonna be snags, you know that, But you’re doing good, so don’t let them get to you.”

  
He kept his arm around him until he felt him relax more, then he put a hand under his chin to raise it gently. “Could you go wash this off now?” the blood was dried and crusted, and it did not look so bad but his lip was slightly swollen from it. “I’ll find a movie we can watch while you do that, and make us a snack. That’s all you’ve got to do today, not so hard, eh?”

 

Anders shook his head and Mike helped him to his feet. When he had him settled on the couch he gave him a blanket that he wrapped around while Mike stated trying to find a movie they could watch. He also went to the kitchen to see if he could make something they could eat. Anders still wasn’t quite eating properly so anything would be good.

 

Putting a plate of french toast and a glass of juice in front of Anders he was pleased to see him at  least nibble a little as they watched the movie. It wasn’t much in the way of lunch, but he knew better than to think he’d get a full meal into his brother.

 

He was surprised when Anders suddenly started leaning against him, pressing close but instead of saying anything about it he simply put an arm around him. Anders trusting him was the biggest breakthrough he could ask for. Speech would come with time, but at least now Anders trusted them again.

  
  
TBC

 

Please comment, the Cricket is hungry


	3. Chapter 3

_** Chapter 3 ** _

 

Now Mike felt like he could really see the progress. It was made in small steps but it was there. Anders did not act quite so scared around them. There were moments when he was almost like his old self. 

 

He came out of the bedroom yawning, grabbing a bowl from the cabinet before sitting down at the table. Nodding to both Mike and Ty even if he did not say anything. Ty passed him the cereals and Mike who had been filling three coffee mugs passed them out. Again Anders nodded as a thanks, before slathering a slice of toast with a large amount of jam. 

 

“You’re as bad as Axl with that,” Mike teased gently, making him smile. Looking up at his brother with a grin. 

 

“Do you want something that is perhaps a little, I don’t know, healthier?” Ty suggested but Anders shook his head. 

 

“No,” he managed the short word fairly well, but he was still shaking his head before he attempted to speak.. 

 

“I could make you some porridge,” Ty offered and Anders made a face. 

 

“‘Uck, no,” Someone else might have thought he was trying to describe his feelings for the porridge with a ‘yuck’, but Mike knew the word started with an ‘f’. The ‘y’ was a hard letter though, and one Anders had yet to manage. 

 

“So Dawn will eat supper with us?” he asked. 

 

“Um huh,” Anders nodded. 

 

“You will go home with her then?” Mike asked and again Anders nodded. This time chewing instead of bothering with any form of verbal answer. It might seem like a pointless question, but it was meant to make Anders feel as if it was his choice. It really was becuase if he would rather one of them came to get them they would. 

 

Anders pushed the plate with the half eaten toast away from himself but finished the cereals before he drained his coffee. 

 

“Come on then,” Ty picked up the slim case that contained his laptop and led the way out to the car, Anders looking around himself a little nervously. He felt vulnerable outside so Ty put a hand on his shoulder. Anders got the door open and climbed in with just a little stiffness. Ty found it hard to know how much to help him. Too little help would make him feel frustrated and short of patience which was enough to provoke another setback. Too much help would make him feel inadequate and also provoke another setback as he believed himself weak and not good enough. 

 

As it was, he had accepted the fact that his physical ability was reduced and that he needed more help. Sometimes he showed a level of acceptance over this that impressed Ty, when he came over to him the night before with a bottle of juice in the crock of one arm and a glass in his hand. He could not manage the cap and so brought it over to Ty for him to open it for him.

 

On the other hand the night before he had failed to open the shampoo bottle and had been unable to cope with the failure. He’d left the shower soaking wet and it had taken Mike a good long while to get him calm again. 

 

At least he appeared to be over it this morning, sinking down into the seat as Ty drove to the office. Again he carried the computer case for him, smiling at Dawn. 

 

“Good morning Anders, Ty,” she beamed cheerfully. 

 

Anders nodded and smiled, stepping close enough for her to give him a quick hug that he returned eagerly. The lack of verbal communication had helped to teach Anders about physical shows of affection and Ty could not say he was sorry for that. Anders had not really understood hugs before but he did now. 

 

He also smiled when Dawn handed him a cup of coffee before he went to his desk. Putting the coffee safely out of the way as he fumbled a little when he set up the laptop. Experience had taught him to make sure the coffee was safe before he wrestled with moving things on his desk. It was easier to move the coffee to the side first, then to clean it off the floor. 

 

“I have some papers you will need to sign today Anders,” Dawn stated as Ty left. “Nothing much, but a couple of smaller contracts. Quite good ones for us at the moment.”

 

“Kay,” he grabbed a pen as Dawn brought the papers over to him so he could red them before signing them. He trusted Dawn, he trusted her enough to know that if she told him to sign he did not need to check it. It was however his company and thus his duty to make sure he knew what was going on. 

 

He read them through and signed them before letting Dawn taking them back to send out copies and file the originals. 

 

At least he felt like he was finally able to do some of the work he was supposed to do, working his way around the internet to find a suitable location for a client. 

 

Dawn had to dial the client and tell him, work out the deal, but at least Anders had been able to find it. At least he was easing her burden a little. 

 

By the time they closed up at the office he really felt as if he had actually accomplished something for once. Not as if Dawn was just humoring him by taking him along. He certainly felt tired enough to have been working. 

 

Dawn closed up the office and he eagerly got into the car, sinking down and closing his eyes as she drove back. When they got back he smiled at her as she went to join Ty. He knew she would enjoy that and headed for the couch himself. Grabbing the blanket he kicked his shoes off to stretch out, then wound up curling up somewhat instead. 

 

He was dozing when something startled him awake, causing him to try and press into the couch with a gasp. 

 

“Axl!” Mike had been close enough to see Anders’ reaction but Axl only grinned at him. Entering like a whirlwind, oblivious to the fact that it was not a good idea. 

 

Zeb was in tow, though he was a little more quiet and Mike was grateful for that,  Anders had looked ready to panic but was calming down, letting his gaze wander around the room worriedly. 

 

“It’s just Axl trying to tear the house down,” Mike stated slowly. Trying to comfort Anders and show him there was no danger, without being obvious about it. 

 

He was really pleased when Anders acknowledged it with a nod and a hint of a smile. 

 

Of course he could hardly miss it as Axl dropped down in the couch beside him, barely missing his feet. Anders sat up more, and Zeb sat on his other side though with less of a nuclear strike. As soon as Axl considered himself comfortable, he tore open a small bag of crisp, cramming a handful into his mouth before Zeb reached over and grabbed it.

 

“Axl, we’re about to have dinner,” Mike sighed. It was just like them, coming in with a load of junk even while they were after a free feed. 

 

“We know,” his youngest brother grinned. Zeb had managed to make away with half the contents of the small bag so he took it back, but held it in front of Anders. 

 

Anders eyed him carefully for a second before he slipped his hand in the bag, winding up crushing several from his inability to make his fingers work like he wanted. He still managed to fish out a couple and nodded to Axl. 

 

“Ta,” 

 

“Welcome ‘bro,” Axl stuffed  the rest into his mouth and Mike was willing to forgive him. He and Zeb weren’t likely to ruin their appetite, they wouldn’t be that lucky, which meant it would be a trick making the food stretch between them. They had after all not planned on the two of them being there even if he should have known they’d invite themselves. He had made Anders interact with them though, which he was grateful for. He just hoped the crisps did not mean Anders would eat less. 

 

It was interesting really how the three of his siblings worked with that. He had seen it quite clearly when he and Valerie had them. 

 

Ty was probably the most normal of them, the middle ground. He could have a cookie or a bit of chocolate before supper and not really eat less for it. Even if Valerie strongly discouraged that. Axl, could stuff himself with sweets of every kind, and then eat like he had been starving to death as he sat down at the table. Anders could lay eyes on a candy bar and declare he really was not all that hungry. 

 

Not that he could not eat when he wanted to, if he took a fancy to it. With him it was always more about liking the food though. Anders did not eat becuase he was hungry, which was probably why people sometimes thought they were starving him when he was young. 

 

It had been a nice row once when someone thought it was cause for concern and asked him about it. Anders had been asked the same thing one time too many, and gave a sarcastic reply that it was not easy to eat more when he had to fight two brothers for the scraps. 

 

It had taken some talking to convince them that no, the boys did not have to fight one another for the right to dinner, and no one was denying him food. He couldn’t really blame him for getting tired of it though, and they should have realized a teenager might use sarcasm. 

 

As annoying as it was he did not really blame Anders for it. 

  
Now he was pleased to notice he at  least ate close to enough.    


 

** TBC **

 

Please comment, the Cricket is hungry...


	4. chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

Michele wanted Anders to get out more and  get more exercise but Anders was really reluctant to do so. He would agree to follow Ty and Dawn on short walks during their lunch break but not much else. 

 

This time it was Olaf who supplied the solution to the problem. Handing his grandson a bundle that Anders accepted thought he gave him a confused look. 

 

“Great day,” Olaf beamed. “It would be a crime to waste it. Ty, you and Mike get some food together, and beer, lots of beer.” 

 

“What for Grandpa?” Mike asked suspiciously. 

 

“We’re going to the beach,” he grinned. Then turned back to Anders, “you might need a hand with that. Mike, does he even have a pair of shorts?” he gave a frown over the slacks Anders wore. “And he needs a t-shirt.” 

 

“He doesn’t have anything like that here,” Mike frowned confused. Anders kept looking between them a little worriedly, but Olaf had taken charge and was too busy trying to organize it while getting in everyone's way to notice. Ty supplied the shorts, a t-shirt and even a pair of trainers that were only a little too big for Anders. It was close enough in fit even if Mike had to find him a belt for the shorts. It was at least a more suitable attire for the beach. 

  
He also had to help him put on the bundle Olaf had given him as it turned out to be a wetsuit. Anders was still self conscious about the many scars from the torture and Mike wasn’t surprised. He wasn’t sure if he would handle it much better. While his brother would now allow his family to see his chest it was harder for him to do so in public. People would stare, they did not seem to understand that was hurtful. They did so without seeming to care how it affected people. The wetsuit however had short legs and sleeves and covered him down to mid thigh. Enough to hide the worst of the scars, but not all of them. 

 

The shorts and t-shirt was just for him to wear while they headed to the beach. 

 

Mike was in charge of getting their spot ready, spreading out a couple of blankets on the sand, making sure Axl didn’t empty the picnic basket first thing and generally setting it up while Olaf grabbed his board to check the surf. Anders kept close to him, looking decidedly ill at ease, so Ty sat down beside his brother. He knew the signs by now, it could go either way. Either Anders would be able to overcome the fear and trust he was still safe, or, they would have to pack up and take him back. 

 

Sitting beside him he offered an easy silent support, glad that Axl and Zeb had disappeared down the beach looking for an ice cream vendor. 

 

When they returned, loaded down with ice cream Anders was calm enough though he pressed close to Ty. 

 

Ty put an arm around him, and was glad even if Anders barely even touched the ice cream, and didn’t go into the water either. They would be coming back another day for that. 

 

Instead they stopped on the way home to rent a couple of movies. Mike figured that a nice and quiet family night might be just the thing to calm Anders fully. He really wasn’t bad, just slightly agitated and he figured they could use that to their advantage. 

 

He made some popcorn and found some crisps, putting a couple of bowls on the table, winking to Ty. Axl had already claimed one of the armchairs but Anders stood watching and Mike was hoping he would take the initiative where he wanted to sit. 

 

Olaf sank down into the couch and put his feet up on the table, and that was what Anders needed. Sitting down next to him with Olaf draping an arm around his shoulders instantly. 

 

Starting the movie and sitting down next to them Mike passed him the crisps and Anders gave a small smile. “Ta.” 

 

Anders held the bowl and took some every now and again but had to take his attention from the movie to do so. To get his hand to work properly he had to see what he was doing. Looking down and seeing the bowl almost empty he frowned at Olaf who was cramming a handful into his mouth. 

 

“Oi,” he objected. 

 

Olaf looked up, surprised at first but smiling. “Sorry about that,” he apologized. 

 

“There’s more in the kitchen Anders,” Ty put in, and Anders rose from his seat. Mike made Axl pause the movie and they could hear him pouring the snacks, then he came back with the bowl and a slightly sheepish look on his face. 

 

“M, m’ess,” he declared with a small shrug. 

 

“That’s fine Anders, easy enough to clean up after the movie,” Mike smiled. He did not care how big a mess he had left in the kitchen. He doubted it was all that bad anyway. This time Anders was also more careful to guard his crisps to make sure Olaf did not eat them all. Still he fell asleep towards the end and Olaf took the bowl from him. Axl instantly reached for it, the two of them half wrestling for a moment over the bowl. 

 

“Quit it you two,” Mike hissed quietly, he didn’t want Anders to wake up to them wrestling. 

 

“He did great today,” Ty beamed. 

 

“Yes, so you two idiots aren’t going to ruin it,” Mike warned them. “Don’t make it harder for him.” 

 

“We’re not,” Axl beamed as he hugged the bowl to himself. 

 

“You might if you startle him, and waking up to have the two you fighting would,” Ty shook his head. “He’s really not up to roughhousing Axl.” 

 

“Just  don’t think he’d like it any better if I went all freaky weird on him,” Axl shrugged. “He knows I’m not good at that gentle shit, if I tried that, he’d think things were really wrong.” 

 

“You got a point,” Mike admitted. “But we’re not talking about walking on eggshells here, we’re talking about him not waking up ‘cause someone shows a bowl of crisps into his face.” 

 

“Okay, sure,” Axl got up to take the bowl into the kitchen while Ty started to wake Anders enough so they could get him to bed. 

 

Anders looked around himself worriedly as he woke, but then as he saw them he calmed down and Ty smiled. 

 

“It’s bed time Anders, come on, I’ll give you a hand,” as tired as Anders was he doubted he’d do anything more than lie down on his own. Ty helped him undress, pulling back when Anders’ eyes suddenly opened wide and he gasped. 

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked looking around. “There’s nothing here Anders, you’re safe, okay? Nothing here than can hurt you. You’re safe, I promise.” He could hear Axl and Olaf talking, laughing in the next room, and Anders was panicking. “Mike,” he called out softly. He did not dare calling out louder or he might scare Anders worse, but he needed help to calm him. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Mike came into the room. “Hey Anders, what’s this now?” sitting down next to him on the bed he wrapped an arm around him. Anders latched on to him, clinging to him in a way Mike had hardly ever seen him do. 

 

“Get them two to quiet down,” Mike started softly and Ty nodded. He wasn’t sure how it was connected but Axl and Olaf laughing was the only thing that could have caused it. Ty quickly got them quiet but Anders was still so upset Mike thought he’d make himself sick. 

  
Not sure what else to do he called Dawn to ask her to come over. Once she was there Anders was calming down more. With Mike sitting beside him and his head in Dawn’s lap he was finally able to sleep. 

 

TBC  
  
Please comment, the Cricket is hungry.... 


	5. chapter 5

 

** Chapter 5 **

 

It was quite obvious Anders was going to have a bad day, Mike did not have any illusions of anything else. Not with the state of panic he had been in and the nightmares that had him screaming through the night. Dawn was able to get him back to sleep, but it took a long time. He was exhausted in the morning, and so were they. 

 

Dawn looked miserable, and Mike barely had the energy to get out of bed. He had to though, for more than one reason. Ty was a bit better since Anders hadn’t been clinging the same way to him, so Mike had sent him to bed. At least that meant they had someone to make breakfast. He managed to get Anders to the kitchen before he headed to the bathroom. 

 

Then as he was just about to step into the shower he heard Ty cry out at the same time as there was a loud crash and he bolted. Running for the kitchen in only his boxers.  

 

Anders was on the floor, huddled into the corner. The frying pan lay on the floor, bacon and grease on the floor and Ty was white in the face. 

 

“I had to get him out of the way Mike,” Ty breathed. “He was gonna drop it on himself…” 

 

The frying pan was cast iron, and Mike swallowed. The damage it would have done would have been disastrous. Anders was barefoot, wore a pair of shorts. The grease would have burned him badly, and the pan could literally have crushed his foot. 

 

“I had to get him out of the way,” Ty repeated. “I just saw it was gonna happen, so I pushed him.” 

 

“It’s okay T y,” he started slowly. He didn’t see what he could say to Anders. He didn’t know if they had pushed him too hard, gone too far with taking him to the beach. It was possible, but it was hard to know for sure. 

 

Sitting down beside his brother on the floor he simply put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. There was no tears and hardly even a sound but Anders was trembling against him. 

 

“I thought we weren’t gonna have anymore of this, huh?” he pushed. “You can’t do it Anders, you can’t hurt yourself. that frying pan could have crippled you. Having trouble coping now doesn’t make you weak, we understand that, no one thinks it makes you weak. Not one of us, but this, this has to stop. This is scaring me, do you understand that?” 

 

Ty had picked up the frying pan, and started cleaning up  the grease and bacon, but it was clear from the look on his face how worried he was.   
  
Mike sat holding Anders for a while, then he gently started pulling him to his feet. “I was going to have a shower, but I think you could use one. You’re getting cold. Come on now,” he put an arm around him as he led him to the bathroom. Anders simply followed him, and allowed Mike to remove his shorts. He took the step into the shower on his own but Mike turned on the water. Anders allowed it to wash over him, then he turned around slowly and raised his head a little so the water fell on his face. 

 

He didn’t react as Mike checked the temperature of the water from time to time, but when it started getting cold Mike turned it off. He also handed him a towel and even helped him dry off. Anders was a mess, incapable of taking care of himself at the moment. So Mike took charge, sitting him down on the couch. 

 

“Anders, I want your word that you won’t do this again. I won’t trick you, I won’t demand, I could probably make it a bet, but I won’t, but I want you to give me your word you won’t do it again, can you do that?” he asked. 

 

There wasn’t the slightest hint of reply from Anders and Mike sighed. “This is important Anders, I don’t want to make anything harder for you. But you have to understand just how important this is.” 

 

Now his head snapped up. “No!” the word was sharp, much clearer than what he had managed before. 

 

“No what Anders?”  Mike pressed. 

 

“Not!” Anders pulled away from him. “Me, not!” 

 

“You are fucking important,” Mike frowned. “And you know that.” 

 

“No!” the word was sharp but his voice was thick. 

 

“Anders, I don’t care what mum or dad said, that’s not important, but you are and you know that.” 

 

“No!” Anders pulled back sharply, turning to face Mike. He thrust out his hand, showing the scar from the nails. Pain so clear in his eyes. 

 

“No, no one, came,” he choked, burying his face in his hands. “No, one, no.” 

 

“Anders, that was us, we were the fucking wankers who failed,” Mike told him while Dawn came to watch from the doorway. She had a look on her face that nearly made Mike swallow. Dawn was not happy and there was no doubt about that. “Don’t hurt yourself because of what we did Anders. I’m not even going to try and excuse what we did, but it was us. And I can’t ever forgive myself for letting it happen to you.” 

 

“Go,” Anders wrapped his arms around himself, so Mike left. Dawn stepped forward instead, sitting down next to him. Swallowing hard he looked up at her. “Home?” his voice was so thick it was hard to understand the word, but Dawn nodded. It was a setback she had expected. Anders had been moving forward quite rapidly, perhaps a little too fast. He had been pushing himself quite hard and he needed a break. 

 

“Sure,” she nodded. “Whenever you need it.” He hardly even looked at his brothers as they left. He just curled up on himself in the car, head hanging low. He heard them say it was okay, and that he was doing good, but he couldn’t agree. He felt overwhelmed and terrified. It made him wonder if he was going mad, and it scared him. He couldn’t communicate with them, a few words was not enough. 

 

He felt safe when they were back in Dawn’s house, safe, but not sane. He still felt just as scared and as torn. So confused he could barely breath and he knew it was just going to get worse. 

 

He could close himself off into the bedroom at Dawn’s house, and he did, because he had to. It hurt her though, he knew it did, because it left her on the other side of the closed door because she cared and worried. Dawn always cared and worried. Even about the ones that did not really deserve it. 

 

He had thought he would feel more relaxed, but he did not. He was pacing and agitated, and it was only getting worse. It was what had happened before. 

  
He loved it at the beach, he really did, it was normal, and with the wet suit no one could see the scar on his chest, because the cross there would make them wonder. It had been great, but still too much, and he got so confused, but he could not tell them that. He could not tell them anything, and he needed to. He needed to let them know what had happened, he was scared to do it, but they needed to know. 

 

If they knew they could help, and he needed help. He hated himself as he was, so full of fear. Fear that he did not know what to do with, fear that tore him apart from the inside until he hurt himself. It did not help, it only made it worse. 

 

Fumbling in the bag with his things that Dawn had brought along he found his phone, his hand hurt from clenching it, and his finger trembled. It was hard, and it hurt, but he could manage it, and he pulled up Mike as a contact. 

 

Mike needed to know, so he opened a text message. 

 

‘You have my word. 

But I need you to listen to me.’

 

He hit send and dropped the phone, allowed it to fall to the floor as he drew a shuddering breath. He had done it, and he wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. He had done it, and now he had to wait. 

 

The phone lay on the floor, gave a small beep and the screen flashed to life briefly. 

  
  


**TBC**   
  
_Please comment, the Cricket is hungry....._


	6. chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

Dawn could not deny her worry when Anders closed himself off into the room again. Mike called her, telling her that Anders had actually texted him, which she thought was amazing really. He was still closed up in the room though which worried her.   
  
When she knocked softly on it later there was no reply, and pushing it open she found he was asleep. Sprawled out on the bed on top of the cover and she sighed softly as she went to fetch a blanket to drape over him. 

  
Anders had a way of making you feel very protective over him, it had always been like that ever since she started working for him. It was clear from the start he was a dick, but he was also so sweet. 

 

She felt like she had seen all his sides already after the first week, the drinking and the women and she had hated it. Then she saw the more gentle and caring side. Anders actually speaking comfortingly to a client, and she had been sure it was all an act when the client left and Anders seemed to shrug it all off, but she saw his eyes. 

 

Anders cared.

 

She woke him the next morning, bringing him a mug of coffee and he took it with a small nod and the faintest hint of a smile. 

 

“How are you feeling today?” she asked softly. “Want me to stay here with you?” 

 

“No,” he shook his head. “I go to,” he could just manage the words. 

 

“Are you sure?” Dawn wanted to encourage him, but she was concerned. He’d been so bad the day before, he shouldn’t push himself to go to the office. He nodded though, and she doubted arguing with him about it was a good idea. 

 

“Okay,” she nodded. “But if you feel like it’s getting too much, you tell me Anders. I don’t want you to suffer like you did yesterday.” 

 

“It ‘kay,” he started. He looked really sad, but she knew it was because of his tongue. Anders couldn’t be happy if he was forced to silence and she knew it. 

 

She wasn’t surprised that Anders all but ran inside when she opened the door to the office, and he did not go for his desk. Instead he headed for the couch in the corner where he would be out of sight from the door. Much more private for him, and he put the laptop on the coffee table, struggling to pull it closer. 

 

“You tell me if you need something now Anders,” Dawn felt like a worry wart, but she did worry. She could not help but worrying. He really looked so fragile, and even though he had managed to get the laptop powered up she could tell it was hard for him to type. He had to focus on each key and work slowly. 

 

She wasn’t surprised when he got up to go to the fridge, but what did surprise her was when he came over to her with the vodka bottle and a glass. He obviously could not open it for himself and now he held it out for Dawn. 

 

“Do you really think you should drink now Anders?” she frowned. 

 

He nodded firmly, expectantly. 

 

“I’m just not sure if it’s a good idea, you’re still healing, and, I’m just not sure if you should,” she frowned. 

 

Anders bit his lip, his head hanging and she could tell how his shoulders tensed up. She poured a small measure into the glass and Anders sighed. The look he gave her was almost a little hurt as he lifted the glass with two hands and drained it. 

 

He went back to the couch and his computer, and she could hear him hitting the keys just a little bit faster. 

 

She didn’t know what he was doing, but there was a look of grim determination on his face. She went over with a bottle of water and could tell he was tired. Anders though pushed the vodka glass towards her. “Ple,lease.” 

 

It was the first time he managed such a difficult word, and she found she could not deny him, so she poured him another small measure. He gave her a grateful look and continued working, but not for long. Then he closed the laptop and pulled off his shoes before making himself comfortable on the couch. 

 

“Do you want to go home?” Dawn asked but he shook his head. 

 

“No, nap,” he stated quietly and she nodded. 

 

“Will you be alright if I go and get us some lunch?” she was hesitant to leave him, but he really did seem okay. He nodded now so she decided it would be okay. “I’ll be back in just a few minutes.” She only went to the sandwich shop down the street, and when she got back Anders was deeply asleep, so she put his sandwich in the fridge while she ate her own. 

 

When she was finishing the last to go home Anders was still sleeping, but he woke as soon as she touched her shoulder. 

 

“Do you want to go home with me, or shall we go to Mike?” Dawn wanted to know. 

 

“Mike,” he started slowly, struggling to lift the computer. Dawn picked it up and slipped it into a shoulder bag that she gave to him. Much easier for him to carry. 

 

Mike looked a little surprised when Anders and Dawn entered, getting to his feet and opening his mouth before shutting it again. Anders seemed to find his surprise amusing for he smiled.

 

“He’s been a lot better today,” Dawn smiled. “But I think he overtaxed himself slightly. Had a nap and missed lunch.” 

 

“You hungry then?” Mike asked and Anders nodded. 

 

“Yea,” he confirmed. Ty co, co,” he stumbled over the word and Mike saw his jaw tense up. 

 

“Don’t rush it Ands, just take say it slowly,” Mike urged him. 

 

Anders nodded before taking a deep breath. “Ty co,cook?” 

 

“I bet he will if you ask him,” Mike smiled. 

 

Anders nodded, easing the shoulder strap of his shoulder and holding the bag out to Mike who took it. “Aft,ter, you re, re,” he had to pause again. “r,read.”

 

“Sure,” he nodded. Not sure what Anders was really up to, but at the moment he would do whatever his brother asked him to. His very exhausted brother he realized. Dawn said he had slept most of the afternoon away, and yet Anders was dead on his feet. 

 

“Af, after,” Anders insisted and Mike nodded. 

 

“After,” he promised. “And even if you had a nap before, I think you should lie down.” 

 

Anders nodded, giving him a slightly guilty smile before he shuffled off towards the couch. 

 

“What has he really been doing today?” Mike asked Dawn quietly. 

 

“I’m not really sure,” she admitted. “He started working on his computer, made me give him some vodka, though I did not let him have a lot. I wasn’t really sure if it was a good idea, but I thought a little might be okay. It was just something strange about it, like it was really important to him.” 

 

“Well, as much as I hate to say it, if he’s to get back to his normal self, excessive drinking is a part of that,” Mike mused. “A little might be good for him, give him a sense of normalcy, so as long as it’s not too much, I’d say give it to him if he wants it.” 

 

“He used to always drink at the office, and it never really seemed to affect his work in a negative way. I’ve seen him drink to get more done, even when you think he’s drinking too much.” 

 

“I know what you mean,” Mike smiled softly. “By the amount he’s drinking we should be forcing him to those meetings, but not by the way he’s acting.”

 

“I know, I, uh, read up on it,” Dawn admitted. 

 

Mike was a little surprised by that, but he knew he should not be. Dawn had always cared about Anders. “He’s lucky,” he smiled softly. “And if you want to kick back awhile while we wait for Ty to get here, you could always join him and put on a movie or something. Not sure I want him sleeping but he looked pretty tired.” 

 

“Yes, whatever he was doing wore him out completely,” Dawn agreed. “I don’t want to disturb him, I think I’ll just give Ty a hand, he should be here soon.” 

 

“Yeah, and I have some bills to sort out,” Mike nodded. 

 

Ty arrived only a few minutes later, already prepared to do the cooking but pleasantly surprised to have Dawn help him. 

 

Anders didn’t eat a lot, but went to bed early, though before he disappeared into the bedroom he powered up the laptop and opened a document. 

 

Mike sat down to read it, just words on the page really, pixels on the screen. As soon as he read the first word it became something more. it wasn’t just words, pixels, it was images, feelings, and actual pain. It was what Anders had gone through, so clearly as if he was living it and not reading it. 

 

He had never experienced anything like it before, there was not just the pictures, it was the physical pain he felt. He could hardly pull himself away from it until Ty put a hand on his shoulder, and then he nearly threw a punch at him. 

 

“Whoa, easy, it’s me,” Ty jumped back. “You looked a million miles away. What the fuck is that?” 

 

“Anders texted me last night, after he went with Dawn,” Mike explained. He had not told Ty before. “He said I had his word, he will stop this whole punishing himself thing, at least he will fight it. But he also asked me to listen, so I said I would.We’ve urged him to tell us what happened, what they did to him, and now he’s doing it.” 

 

“He’s writing it?” Ty frowned, peering at the screen and Mike quickly closed the lid. 

 

“It’s scary as hell,” Mike rubbed his hand, he could still feel the nail being driven through his palm, it was so real that his brain had trouble dealing with the fact that there was no blood. “It’s not reading Ty, I thought I would just read it, but it’s not. I was there, I was fucking there and I felt every fucking thing they did to him. I could tell exactly how scared he was, I was him.” 

 

“What?” Ty blinked confused. “How could that be possible?” 

 

“I don’t know,” Mike shook his head with a sigh. “I’ve never experienced anything like it. I, well, I guess it could be some God thing.” 

 

“Bragi,” Ty snapped his fingers. “Anders said that Bragi doesn’t quite work the same way when he writes, but it also depends on how he writes. If he was using Bragi when he wrote it, or even if Bragi did it, then it would be a whole different thing, wouldn’t it.” 

 

“And Dawn said Anders wanted vodka today,” Mike rubbed a hand over his face. “So yeah, it’s Bragi. You know how it is when he uses Bragi, he drinks a hell of a lot more, and Bragi…” 

 

“And Bragi works best when Anders is drunk, or on some drugs,” Ty nodded. “Well, I know that much, Bragi got his inspiration from alcohol and that shit even before this whole reincarnation shit started. So it makes sense.” 

 

“So Anders is telling us what he went through, with the help of Bragi, which means we won’t just hear it, we will live through the whole fucking thing,” Mike looked at the computer. “And it’s the worst thing I’ve ever been through.” 

 

“That bad?” Ty wasn’t sure if he would be able to bring himself to read it. He wasn’t sure if he could stand knowing what Anders had been through if it was going to be with such clarity. 

 

“Yeah, that bad,” Mike used to think he was tough, but he wanted to be sick, to throw the computer away and order Anders to never in any way utter another word about it. He’d only gone a few days into the captivity, there was probably worse to come. Though how it could be worse than being nailed to a cross and then left there for a day without food or water he wasn’t sure. They’d released him eventually, pulled the nails out but they did not give him any water. Instead they poured vinegar into his mouth. 

 

“The worst part is I could feel it, the whole time I could feel him waiting for us, to rescue him. He was so sure we would rescue him Ty, but we didn’t. We didn’t even care that he was gone.” 

 

“If he never forgives us for that, I won’t blame him,” Ty decided. 

 

“I think he already has,” Mike wasn’t sure if he would have forgiven so easily, but that was a sense he got when reading it. 

  
“Damn,” Ty mumbled. 

 

**TBC**   


_ Please comment, the Cricket is hungry... _


	7. chapter 7

**_ Chapter 7 _ **

 

Ty did not read it, Mike did not want him to. He figured it would be up to Anders but he did not think Axl would really be able to handle it. 

 

He could not really sleep either, he found himself going into the room where Anders slept, just to make sure he was still there. He was, but sleeping restlessly, tossing back and forth on the bed so Mike put a hand on his shoulder, amazed that he calmed. He imagined that Anders would write the rest down as well, and he knew he would have to read it, but knowing what reading it would mean he hoped to spare Ty and Axl that. Neither of them should have to go through what Anders  had been forced to endure. Anders shouldn’t have been forced to endure it. 

 

Ty went to wake him in the morning, helping him dress when he could not manage the button on his slacks. Anders was used to that by now, it did not bother him to have someone do up his trousers. Going into the kitchen he met Mike’s eye, and Mike wanted to look away.   
  
He couldn’t though, not when he knew, but there was nothing he could say. The images were still so clear in his head, the pain so fresh in his mind, and the way Anders rubbed his palm he knew he was feeling it too. 

 

There was a look in his eyes as Anders met his, he knew he had read it, and he knew just how terrible Mike felt. 

 

“Bragi,” he managed thought the name was jumbled and Mike nodded. It confirmed it. Bragi apparently had some power over the written word though he had never experienced it before. Then again Bragi would have been there when they tortured Anders, and he doubted the God took kindly to it. 

 

“We figured out as much,” Mike admitted. 

 

“Ty?” Anders asked, and Mike shook his head. 

 

“I did not want him to have to go through that. If you want him to, that’s up to you, and he would do it, but, he and Axl, I’ll tell them, but, I don’t want them to have to go through it Anders. I know you had to, and there is nothing I can ever do to make up for that. But I just don’t want them to have to through it that way. Can you understand that.” 

 

“Yea,” Anders nodded. “You, not Ty, not Axl.” 

 

“Thank you,”Mike found himself releasing a shuddering breath. “I’ll tell them.”

 

“Ty, not Axl,” Anders started. 

 

“Are you sure?” Mike had to admit it surprised him. 

 

“Axl k,kid,” the conversation as light as it was was obviously tiring Anders. “Be sa,safe.” 

 

“Anders, I appreciate you trying to protect him, I really do. But you don’t have to protect him from this. Axl is grown now, and we were all a part of what happened to you. I don’t want them to have to go through it, not all of it, but I don’t want you to make it worse for yourself by protecting them from all of it either.” 

 

Anders however shook his head, “Axl, no,” he insisted. 

 

“Okay,” it probably made Anders into one of the bravest people he knew. “I’ll tell Ty, and it’s up to you what Axl knows. I, uh, I told Dawn that if you wanted vodka, it was fine as long as it’s not too much.”

 

The way Anders lit up at that made him chuckle. “Try not to put her on the spot ‘bro, I know why you need it, but she doesn’t. So don’t make her feel guilty.” 

 

Anders nodded again, but the look in his eye made it perfectly clear to Mike he would make the most of what he could get. 

 

“If you sit down, I’ll have breakfast for you before Dawn comes to pick you up,” Mike was glad to change the topic, then had to smile. It was a long time since he’d said something like it. Back when Ty and Axl were still in school. 

 

Anders sat down, folding his arms on top of the table and rested his head on his forearms. “If you are still that tired maybe you should not go though,” he mused. “I’m pretty sure Dawn will understand.” 

 

“Go,” the word was muffled, but this time because he spoke into his forearm without lifting his head. 

 

“Okay,” a glance at the clock told him there was not time for a lot, certainly not for pancakes but Anders could probably use something more than cereals. 

 

“How would you like an omelette?” he asked rummaging around in the fridge. 

 

“Kay,” Anders spoke into his forearm again, and Mike was not quite sure what he said so he had to turn to look at him. Seeing a slight nod. Anders liked his omelets simple. Unlike Axl who wanted them with everything short of the sink. Ty prefered to make them himself, he did not mind others cooking but the omelet he always prefered to make for himself while Anders did not cook anything if he could avoid it. 

 

When it was ready Mike slipped it on a plate and put it in front of him together with a tall glass of juice. Anders looked up from his arms, eyeing the food as if he tried to figure out if it was worth the effort and Mike had to chuckle. That was Anders all through school, never quite awake enough at breakfast to actually eat. There had been a time or two if there was a special treat that Axl made use of it. He had made them pancakes once when he heard Ty snigger. Turning around he saw Anders awake, or at least with his eyes open, staring blankly at the table in front of him while Axl was reaching across and was eating his pancakes right off his plate. He should have said something, but he found himself waiting to see if Anders would notice. 

 

He did not, when Val called for them to get ready Anders snapped out of it, looked at his plate to find it empty and simply put it in the sink. As far as Mike could tell he never realized that Axl was the one who had eaten his breakfast. 

 

At least Axl wasn’t here now, so when Dawn came Anders had managed half the omelette and appeared perfectly content with that. 

 

Anders got the shoulder strap of the bag with his laptop over his shoulder and followed out to Dawn’s car. Beaming proudly when he managed to get the door open on the third try. 

 

This time Dawn did not even question it when Anders got the vodka out of the fridge. He helped Dawn with some of the work first, signing some papers and planning the new campaign they would launch. When that was done he took the laptop again, writing it was tiring. It exhausted him, but it did help him to distance himself from it just a little. Knowing that Mike would know and would understand helped. It meant he had someone who understood exactly when he could not bear it. Mike could help ground him, and when he felt overwhelmed, when he wound up hating himself for the weakness he had someone who knew just how heavy the burden was. 

  
He didn’t like putting it on Mike, Mike already carried too much for all of them. He was the only one though. Mike was strong, stronger than their father had ever been. He would be able to do it even if Anders hated to see how it hurt him. 

  
He saw the look on his face when he saw the scar on his chest, the scar of a cross. Mike knew now, had felt the pain of it being carved there, the shame of wearing it. 

 

Anders could see the pain in his eyes, the same pain he would have felt if it had been Ty or Axl, becuase no matter what a dick he was he would always protect them if he could. If he had failed at that, like they failed him, then he knew just how much he would have been hurting, and he could see that in Mike’s eyes. 

 

It was not really them not caring for him anymore, it was the god shit, the way their lives had turned out that left them all constantly on the verge where they could not handle anything else. It was why they had no patience to try and understand each other but always seemed to snap instead. 

 

He flexed his fingers lightly, he could move them just a little easier, could manage a few more words. He almost looked forward to going back to the beach. Mike knew now, and would know when he needed him to protect him, and when he needed him to push him. 

 

Mike had his back again. 

  
** The End **

 

_ The cricket would like to thank you all for reading, and begs to leave a comment, the Cricket is hungry.. . _


End file.
